Get What You Need
by StOnE CoLd SaRaH
Summary: Bubba/Nunzio. Yes, you read that right. Set during the Dudleyz being forced into the Bischoff Administration. O'Haire, Chuck, Rey, Spanky all guest appear. R&R please!


fic idea/challenge generator   
Bubba/Nunzio  
PG-13  
Comedy  
Includes: "I knew it couldn't be that easy" and a sock.  
  
"Get What You Need"  
  
Dedicated to Timmah, who never laughed (not even once) when I told him of this pairing. My Italian is pitiful and so is my Italian Mafia!Slang... So, some words are misspelt... Sorry.. I own nothing that you recognize. Vince Kennedy McMahon owns the characters. ZZ Top and Rolling Stones both own their songs that I borrowed. And Sean O'Haire owns his stalker persona. This is probably the first of it's kind, pairing wise. That should make me proud, but it only makes me scared that no one will like it. Slight Rey/Spanky and Sean/Chuck undertones. Rock on!   
  
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Bubba Ray Dudley was walking rather aimlessly around in the back of the arena. It was a PPV, so the rosters were combinded, and he was looking for some of his friends on the Smackdown side of the world. He had few friends left on RAW, but that's what happens when you have to push your morals aside to feed your family. Or at least the members of your family that were still talking to you.   
  
Spike wasn't. D-von rarely did. Even Dances With Dudley had been giving Bubba a cold shoulder. But, Bubba didn't want to think about that... he just wanted to have some fun tonight. He whistled some nameless tune as he walked down the halls. A couple of the stagehands said hello to him, and he nodded back merrily.   
  
"Hey! Gordo!"   
  
Bubba looked up from where he had stopped to talk to one of the more masculine, yet still pretty stagehands. "Hey! Corta!" he called out as Rey Mysterio walked over to the much bigger man.   
  
"Its 'corto' not 'corta!' That's the feminine way of the word, dumbass."   
  
"Hey, you're girlie enough, King of Mystery."   
  
The stagehand took that as his cue to leave. He didn't want to be involved in a fight with the largest of the Dudley clan and the 'Human Highlight reel.' And besides, he still had to finish his job. The techie was no Kevin Nash.   
  
Rey watched, his smile reaching all the way up to his eyes as the man walked away, "I think I killed any chance of you macking it to that guy, big man."   
  
"Damn you. ...And stop smiling! I'd like to see -you- do better!" he huffed slightly annoyed that the cute stagehand left.   
  
Rey whistled through his fingers and all of a sudden a young man with fluffy blonde hair and a Hawaiian shirt came running up to Rey and hugged him. "Bubba? I'd like you to meet my Spanky. Otherwise known as Brian Kendrick. Spanky, this is Bubba."   
  
The small man looked up from where his arms were still around the waist of the equally diminutive Rey. He unhooked his arms from around Rey and in a semi-nervous manner, pushed his hair off of his face before offering his hand to Bubba. "Hiya, Bubba." he said softly, looking slightly embarrassed.   
  
Bubba gave Rey a dirty look before taking Brian's hand in his own and shaking it while smiling at Brian, "Hi kid. I'll just call you Brian. There's only one thing I call Spanky, and he's currently residing in my pants."   
  
Rey just started to laugh as Brian turned even redder, "Ah, don't listen to him, sweetie. That's just the ever delightful Dudleyville humor of his. That's actually a pretty high class remark, compared to other things he -could- have said."   
  
"Dudleyville -is- high class. No one in that town of ours could play a banjo to save their life." Bubba said, trying to defend his home city.   
  
"I believe you," Brian said timidly.   
  
Bubba grinned, "See! Your boy must have enough common sense and brains for the both of you, huh short-stuff?"   
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Rey said rolling his eyes. "So, Mr. Dudley why are you on this side of the world? Looking for anyone special... Say someone wearing red, white, and green?"   
  
"Shut up! Or I'll hit you with..." Bubba reached into his duffel bag, and pulled out ...a sock.   
  
"Or what? You'll hit me with your smelly gym sock?"   
  
Bubba looked slightly confused and scratched his head. "No... There was supposed to be a cookie plate in there..."   
  
"Still trying to relive your past ECW glory days I see." Rey said sticking his tongue out through his mask.   
  
Bubba growled and then went to hit Rey with the dirty sock with a hole in it, but Rey was too quick. He easily dodged out of the way, and ran quickly to the other side of the hall, Bubba following after him.   
  
Spanky stood alone, smiling as he watched his lover easily and effectively getting out of the much larger Bubba's grasp. He stifled a gasp as he felt someone stand next to him.   
  
"Ah, don't worry kid. I ain't goin' hurt ya. Just watching the fun."   
  
Brian turned slightly to the side. Nunzio was standing next to him, wearing his leather jacket, grinning as he watched Bubba and Rey. Brian had to admit, Nunzio's smile was kind of scary. It reminded him of Benoit's scary evil smirk that he called a "smile."   
  
"I told ya, kid... I ain't goin' hurt ya... So stop lookin' at me, or I'll haffa. My friendship with Rey or not."   
  
Brian looked startled, "Friendship? You're friends with Rey? How come I don't ever see you talking to him then?"   
  
Nunzio tore his gaze from the action, to look at the kid. "I don't like showing off all my hand, when the cards are still in front of me, understand?" Brian nodded, but he really had no idea what Nunzio was talking about. "Besides... It's common knowledge that all the ol' ECW boys are still buddy-buddy. And girls too when you count Jazz, Lita, an' Dawn Marie."   
  
"Rey was in ECW?"   
  
Nunzio shrugged, "For a while. But, even if he was only in for a while, we all liked him. You see for yourself everyday, what a likable goomba he is. He an' Bubba hit it off really well."   
  
Brian thought he heard him mutter 'lucky guy' but he couldn't be sure if that's what he said and who he said it about.   
  
Bubba and Rey walked back over. Rey had the sock attached the side of his mask. He looked kind of like a dog with one fluffy gray ear. Rey walked over and gave Brian a kiss.   
  
Brian said in mock disgust, "Aw! Don't kiss me! You smell like Bubba's feet!"   
  
Rey pouted slightly and then reached and took the sock off and threw at back at Bubba's head. "Better?"   
  
Brian leaned over and kissed him, "Much."   
  
"Then, let's blow this popsicle stand!" Rey said grinning, linking his arms with Spanky.   
  
"That's not all I want to blow...!" Spanky said grinning and pecking Rey on the cheek.   
  
"Oh, don't tempt me in the middle of the hall, mi amor." Rey kissing him back, "Well, hi and bye Nunzio. See you later Bubba." Spanky said goodbye to both men as they walked away, probably to find an empty locker room.   
  
"Ah, to be young and horny..." Bubba said grinning at Nunzio.   
  
Nunzio reached over and took the sock off of Bubba's shoulder, where it had landed after Rey threw it at him, "Missing something?"   
  
"Not anymore," he said cheerfully.   
  
"You're in an awful good mood... Should I even ask?" Nunzio said standing back slightly to get a good look at Bubba.   
  
Bubba's smile dropped, "Come on, let's go for a walk."   
  
"I thought that was -my- line." Nunzio said smirking, beginning to follow Bubba.   
  
"Hey. I did a Stacker 2 commercial. I know how you people work."   
  
  
As they were silently walking, no one paid any attention to them. Most people were too busy getting ready for their match, or trying to do their extremely stressful job, and praying they did it correctly without Eric or Stephanie breathing down their backs, making sure the show was as great as it could possibly be.   
  
  
"So, what's wrong Bubba?" Nuzio said breaking the silence.   
  
"I knew it couldn't be that easy, to fool you Guido..."   
  
"Ah, Guido. How I miss that name... Of course you can't fool me, numskull. I know you better then probably anybody. Better then all your brothers. Is it that new job?"   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"D-von obviously hates it. Which suprises me, that for once in your life you decide to be the rational one in that fucked up family of yours... and D-von... Probably the most normal one, with the exception of your Daddy... Has turned into you?"   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"And, I may not be that Freud guy or anyone with a fancy doctor thing hangin' up at home, but even I can tell... Watching on Mondays with Chuck and Johnny that you're just as unhappy with it as everyone else, but you thought that D-von and Spike and all the others would understand. You needed to feed the family. That's one of the reasons you left ECW behind, and right now your leaving all of your friends behind. At least when you left ECW, you left with D-von. Now, you ain't got nobody."   
  
"Yep."   
  
"See, thickhead, that's where your wrong. You got me."   
  
Bubba stopped and Nunzio did to. He stood watching Bubba, while grinning smugly, his arms crossed in front of him. "I don't got you, I don't got anyone."   
  
"Of course you do. Your accent gets more New Yorker then mine when you're mad or emotional. I'll always be watching your back, pazino... and don't you ever forget that."   
  
"That's all fine and dandy. But, you aren't exactly on RAW are you?"   
  
"No I'm not. Why don't you jump? Stephanie always liked you. If you forget about that whole 'getting the Alliance to beat you and D-von' part."   
  
Bubba looked surprised, "You saw that?"   
  
"I told ya, I watch your back. 'nd besides, all my boys were on tv... So, don't you think I'd be watching, even if I wasn't on?"   
  
Bubba nodded, "I can't jump ship. There's some clause that slime ball Eric put into our contracts. D-von and I can't. Some legal mumbo jumbo shit."   
  
"Fine," Nunzio said, "What about Dreamer? Or Rob? Even Lita or Jazz. Hell! Even that fruitcake, Dancin' Stevie Richards. He could help you out..."   
  
"He's a fruitcake because of Raven. And now that psycho woman Victoria has him on a tighter leash then he ever did."   
  
"Hmm. Listen, goomba..." Nunzio squeezed Bubba's arm. "My offer still stands of my services."   
  
Now Bubba peered at his side to look at Nunzio, "What kind of services?"   
  
Nunzio grinned, "Nothing you ain't already had, big boy..."  
  
He left it at that and Bubba was glad. Because it gave him a chance to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. A soft cough came from behind them, and they both spun around. Bubba looked more guilty then Nunzio, who just looked extremely happy.   
  
"Hey boss... I'm sorry to bug you, but we need to go. Johnny planted the decoy in front of Taker's door, and we really need to get out of here before he blows." Chuck Palumbo said looking down in respect of Nunzio and Bubba's privacy.   
  
Nunzio snapped out of his slight daze and said, "All right. You got the car ready?" Chuck nodded, still looking down. "All right, Bubba... I gotta go, but don't forget what I said."   
  
"Friendship. Services. You wrestling in whipped cream. And making friends. I think I got it." Bubba said as Chuck started to silently laugh.   
  
Nunzio just shook his head, and smacked Chuck on the head, "Go, go already! I'll be there in a second...."   
  
"Sure thing boss."   
  
Nuzio looked at Bubba, and Bubba looked right back at him. Then Nunzio broke into a giant grin. "Whipped cream, huh? Is that some sort of weird fantasy that I should know about?"   
  
"Yep. But, now I think I'd add you -and- that Chuck kid. He is pretty nice to look at." Bubba said grinning right back at Nunzio.   
  
"I should be offended," he said as kissed Bubba, then once he moved away said, "but, I'm not. Good-bye and don't forgot the other things I said."   
  
Then as he got the other end of the hallway, Nunzio yelled, "I'm more a maple syrup guy myself."   
  
Bubba stood there, grinning rather stupidly for a few minutes.   
  
"And here I was...Thinking that he wasn't even Canadian."   
  
"Canadian? Where the hell did you get that from, O'Haire?"   
  
Sean O'Haire stepped out of the shadows and grinned devilishly, "Well, he did say he was a maple syrup man. He must be spending way to much time sitting with Lance Storm at your ECW reunion parties."   
  
Bubba rolled his eyes, "And exactly how long were you standing there in the freakin' shadows?"   
  
"Long enough."   
  
"I guess since Raven's gone, we needed someone new to be lurking around in the shadows of the arenas?"   
  
Sean looked somewhat offended, "I was not lurking. I was merely watching Chuck. Lurking, never. Stalking, all the time." he broke into his grin again.   
  
"Why are you still here O'Haire?"   
  
"Because I can. And because now Dawn Marie is within my eyesight."   
  
"You know Storm is going out with her, right?"   
  
"And what a lucky man he is. A man can look can't he?"   
  
"Sure can. Except for the time you convinced her to flash the audience. That was a really long look."   
  
Sean shrugged, "Hey, Chuck's been busy with your boy... So I have to entertain myself someway."   
  
"Ya can't get a hobby to entertain yourself?"   
  
"Naw. I have a short attention span."   
  
"Really? Gosh, who would have thought that the devil incarnate would have a short attention span?"   
  
"I'm not really a devil incarnate... I just dress like one."   
  
" 'Every Girl's Crazy About a Sharp Dressed Man'? "   
  
"And some men too. And don't forget the equally fabulous ZZ Top song, "Give Me All Your Lovin' " Perhaps Nunzio is thinking about that song right now."   
  
Before Bubba could properly tell Sean off, he was gone. Bubba just shook his head at the empty space. What did that space cadet know anyway? Bubba and Nunzio did have a relationship, but that was many years ago. And besides, that was is in ECW, were most relationships were usually formed from being around the same guys day-in and day-out. Things were different now, and so were they. Bubba was unwillingly becoming a corporate 'company' guy. It was cool to be pro-company in ECW, but that was because Paul Heyman never made it seem like there was really much of a difference between the wrestlers and the head honchos. But, again things were different here. And Nunzio, well, even though so many of his gestures and look were vintage 'Little Guido'...he was different too.   
  
As Bubba was thinking about all this, an old familiar tune came wafting from the closed door of a lockerroom. It sounded like Chris Jericho had finally gotten the Rolling Stones Greatest Hits cd that he had wanted for awhile. The song sounded like... "Can't Always Get What You Want." Bubba smiled to himself. Maybe he did have a chance with Nunzio to rekindle that old flame that used to burn in his cold heart.   
  
He whistled the rest of the song, "Can't always get what you want... but, if you try sometime... you just might find, you get what you need...."   
  
Bubba didn't really want Little Guido anymore. What he needed was Nunzio. 


End file.
